Wednesday, September 30, 2009



Best part's at 2:14.

I'll admit it, I saw this first on Mighty Girl.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

W.T.F.

Monday, September 28, 2009

What time is it?

1. Howdy Doody time.
2. IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME.
3. To make the donuts
4. To say goodbye, To all our company.

Help me out, what else is it time for?

You can roll a thought around in your head on your own for weeks, months, but hearing someone else say it to you, out loud, can be a real kick in the crotch.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

A Pandora-Inspired List

Because it's been a while since I've done one.

Songs To Which I Recall Making Up Car Dances Which I May Or May Not Still Do Alone In The Car (or, I Didn't Get Out Much In High School, Apparently).
  1. Jumpin, Jumpin by Destiny's Child
  2. Come Together by Aerosmith
  3. Yeah by Usher (a-ha, one from college! I remember Aaron doing this dance, too)
  4. Are You That Somebody by Aaliyah
  5. For What It's Worth (Stop, Hey, What's That Sound) by Buffalo Springfield
  6. Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
  7. OLD SCHOOL: I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany

Everything's more fun with interpretive hand motions.

Friday, September 25, 2009

A Typical Friday Night

Me: (listening to music and playing Scrabble in my jammy-jams)

John: Come on, we need to go to the store for cat food and stuff.

Me: I don't want to.

John: COME ON, you said you'd go with me!

Me: YOU ARE SO MEAN.

John: What are you talking about?

Me: You make me put on pants! And go places! Where there are people! GOD!

Me: (Comes out of the bedroom 5 minutes later; I am now wearing all appropriate under- and outer-garments)

John: (Watching Family Feud like an old man)

Me: Let's go.

John: But I'm watching Family Feud!

Me: OH MY GOD!

John: Ok, next commercial.

The End

Happy Weekend!
Trisha, are you on Twitter? Who is Tweeting? I want to follow you all, my chickens.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So I get that the “Single Ladies” spoofs are played out, but I have to say, football players putting a ring on it is still pretty entertaining.




(The goodness starts at around 2:30).

P.S. It is my secret (or maybe not-so-secret) life’s dream to learn and perform this dance.

P.P.S. I also thought one of the last scenes with Kurt and his father was really nice.

P.P.P.S. You should totally watch this show, and then we can start a glee club for grown-ups.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I added a Pandora widget to the side over there ====>, so you can check out all the junk I'm listening to. I've been rocking out this morning, as it is gray and rainy and making me reeeeeally sleeeeeepy, so I'm doing what I can to keep from nodding off. Wish I were home on the couch with some coffee and a book...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

It is a beautiful Saturday morning. The sun is shining, the humidity is low, and it's warm but not HOT. I got to sleep in. I'm feeling Not At All Sick for the first time in over a week. I don't have to work this weekend. I'm not in the throes of hormonal upheaval. My house is mostly clean. Everything is good. But my mood is kind of gray. Scrolling through my Google Reader, on three separate occasions I teared up over a post. New camera? That is so beautiful! Huxtable memories and a children's choir - so touching! What. The. Eff. Ugh, hate feeling irrational and crazy.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The awesome progress I made yesterday has been overshadowed by the Meh of today.

I had a meeting this morning which contributed to my foul mood. It’s disheartening to watch people be rewarded and recognized for what you know is average-at-best work, especially when receipt of a live award check is involved. The other factor into my pissiness was a peer who asked for, and fought for, an added workload, then complains about the stress and how overworked they are, treats everyone like shit because of the stress, but magically has half a day free to go fuck off and then come back to their desk and brag about it.

It’s just one of those wanna-punch-people-in-the-face-then-go-home-and-take-a-nap days.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The best part of this weekend...

...was, after being guided on a whirlwind tour through one of three Greek houses as part of a Mock (as in practice) Sorority Recruitment event, have Jamie turn to me and say, with a look of wide-eyed horror, "KMITB."


During my 2 years at university, I never set foot in a sorority house. The closest I've gotten is watching "Legally Blonde", and so to be honest, that's what I expected.


And boy, did these chicks deliver.


Being accosted by 40 screaming, cheering, clapping girls upon entering a house, being around so much flatironed bleached hair, and watching the looks on these girls' faces when they learned that I am not actually of college age and planning to rush, that I am OLD and MARRIED and a GROWN-UP (don't even pretend that I look anywhere 18 - please), listening to a girl brag to me that her house had the biggest parking lot of all the houses on the Row, and then being escorted out the front door 10 minutes later to an equally screamy, cheery, clappy Goodbye song, was like nothing I have ever experienced before in my entire life.


Nothing But The Truth, So Help Me God Snippets From That Afternoon
  • "Wow, you work for Naaahsaaaa?!?! That is soooo AHHHSAAAAHM!"

  • "We're, like, the only house that can paint our rooms however we want. But they're all, like, pink! Because that's, like, everyone's favorite color!"

  • "The girl that made up the dances for our skit is, like, a really good dancer. She met some of the, like, people who dance on So You Think You Can Dance." [pauses for dramatic effect]

But I'm really glad that I went - it makes for a good laugh, and gives me some insight on what I missed out on...and really didn't at all.


Too bad we didn't see this girl, because THAT would have been AHHHSAAAAHM!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail...

Things that have tried to foil my weekend plans:
  1. Work stress (just a post-long-weekend-OMG-I-Have-So-Much-To-Do freakout)
  2. Shitty weather (South Texas afternoon thunderstorms? I laugh at you.)
  3. The threat of tonsillitis (I’ve got drugs, bitches – DOWN, INFLAMMATION!)
  4. The fact that I still have work to finish before I can go back home, and once I get home, have to throw a bag together, and how am I spending my time? Writing a post.

Going to spend a couple of days in Nac for the first time in…wow, since 2004 or 2005? and get in some excellent Jamie Time. WOOOOOOOT!

Things that will happen this weekend:
  1. We will be tearing into some wine
  2. We will bake homemade cookies using my most excellent tried-and-true recipe
  3. I will get all ferkplempt remembering the awesome times we had in college
  4. Then I will feel old
  5. We will stay up talking into the wee hours until I am hoarse
  6. We will be buying some shoes (OH SNAP, YOU WON’T BE THERE TO STOP ME, JOHN!!!)
Have an awesome weekend, my chickens!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

May God strike me bald if any bit of this is a lie

I was awakened at 2:26 this morning with a funny tickle in my throat and a desperate need for an ice cold glass of water. As I sat up, a phrase popped into my head: “AMAZING FEATS OF SARCASM AND NONSENSE!”. Even in my groggy state, I could appreciate the Awesome of this thought (I even googled it just now, and NOTHING!), so I grabbed a pen and the Post-Its off my dresser and scribbled it down in the dark, along with the time, because I knew this was something I wanted to remember in the morning.

I always think of really interesting and random, funny stuff either riiiiiight before I drift off, or when I wake up in the middle of the night – but I wake up, and it has all run away from my brain.

So anyway, I was in the shower this morning and remembered the thought and the scribble and the awesome, and thought, “I am totally going to take a picture of my note and post it in the morning.” So I hop out, run over to my nightstand, and discover that I have scrawled it on top of some sensitive identifying information that I do NOT want to post. So poop on that. But suffice it to say that it all actually happened, and I have now found a new subtitle for my humble blog.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Sticking with the theme of 90's bangers...

...here's another one I can't dislodge from my brain this week.

Before I go to the store, I rewrite my grocery list in an order that makes for the most efficient route for whatever place I’m going. I make note of what time I walk in and what time I leave, and race myself. If I’m in and out in under 15 minutes, I am Awesome. This practice gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment in an uncertain world.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

From the back to the middle and around again

This song is on Sirius right now, and suddenly I am 12 years old again.



How many hours did I spend playing my taped-off-the-radio copy of this song (sidenote: at 1:52, there is a closeup of an audio cassette - awesome.) and dancing around my bedroom, imaging what it would be like to be a grown-up and go to a club and wear glittery eye makeup and leather pants? Too many.

Thank you for the flashback, 90's On 9.

Douchebag Riot

So we had family over for dinner last night, and had noticed over the course of the evening that more and more cars were driving up to our neighbor's house (their backyard backs up to the side of our backyard). Some had even driven up our (long) driveway and walked up to our house assuming 3+cars in a drive = party. We walked our family out at 10:30, and looked over into the neighbor's yard, and could see at least 50-60 kids in their driveway and playing beer pong in the garage. John, old man that he is, sat in a chair on our back patio (maybe 30 yards away) and watched the stupidity unfold. Not wanting him to get lonely, I turned off our floodlight and joined him. (We were hidden by our barbecue pit - thank God John hadn't moved it when I asked him to weeks ago).

It was so ridiculous it was funny. We witnessed half-naked drunk girls falling all over each other, dudes walking out into the dark of the backyard to pee along the back of the house, general teenage douchebaggery, some chick falling down drunk and puking.

Me: "I kind of wish we were invisible, so we could get up closer to witness the idiocy."
John: "If we were ninjas, we could."
Me: "That is awesome. I am totally going to post about this."

By 11:30, things were in full swing, which could mean it was time for only one thing: a drunken fight. We heard dudes yelling ("GARY!!! GARY!!! DUDE!!! STOP IT!!! GARY!!!), chicks screaming ("I AM THE FUCKING ADULT HERE! I AM THE FUCKING ADULT HERE!" Nice.), and suddenly there was a brawl. After a couple of minutes, it hadn't broken up, more people (girls, too!) were getting involved, and it was spilling into the street and into other neighbor's yards, many of the kids started to scatter like cockroaches, and I called the cops.

John said I wouldn't admit to being a narc on my blog, but dude, drunk teenagers fighting and then peeling off into the night = not cool. I was a good girl in high school, but I went to parties where alcohol was served, but I was not stupid enough to a) partake in someone's front yard, and b) stay in a venue where it was OBVIOUS that shit was going to go down.

And let me say I'm not against house parties in general - I generally have no problem with loud music, the sounds of faint shouting and laughter, and cars parked up and down the road (assuming I don't have to work the next day). The advantage of having the houses out here spread farther apart means you can get a little louder. But when your bodily fluids threaten to encroach onto my property, we have a problem.

Ten minutes later, the fight and screaming is still going, and the sheriff shows up, lights blazing.
First two cars.
Then three.
Then four.

At this point I'll note that our house is at the entrance of the neighborhood, on the street that is the only way out. Because there were so many cars still parked along the street and kids still trying to drive off to get away, the cops blocked the street and set up a check point. At the end of our driveway. This is where I wish to God I'd thought to take a picture, because seriously: how often are four lit-up cop cruisers, half a dozen cars, and a line of 20+ scared shitless teenagers lined up in front of your house? How bizarre. It was nearly 2 this morning before the last of the mommies and daddies showed up to escort their children home and the cops finally left.

No one was arrested, and I told John that these kids probably just got the piss scared out of them, it kept them from driving off drunk and reckless into the night, they will probably be grounded from a month ("OMG, what if I can't go to Homecoming!") and maybe scared them straight (at least for a while).

So what are the morals of the story?
1. Don't be an idiot.
2. If you're going to be an underage-drinking idiot, at least try to be discreet.
3. Gary is a d-bag.
4. Get the hell off my lawn.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

How do you people find me?

I'm not being snotty - it's an honest question. How did you stumble upon my humble blog?
Did you google "public bralessness" or "wave your hands in the air, shake your derriere"?

Do tell, my bloggy friends.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Happiness is...

...being in my kitchen, well into my second (large) glass of wine, frying chicken, squash casserole in the oven, mixing up cookie dough, listening to my Dusty Springfield Pandora station, singing along with and doing dramatic interpretive dance to The Supremes in my underwear and tank top.

You so wish you were here with me.

Editor's note: I sort of scorched some of that chicken while I was typing the post. Totally worth it.

I realize I am at times guilty of this (says she who posts between the hours of 9 and 5 on a weekday, ahem), but I have a really hard time sympathizing with people who gripe about having too much to do and not enough time, cry about being overwhelmed, bitch about working past 6, when they don’t roll in until after 9, and spend their day running around on bullshit made-up errands.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The awesomosity of this idea is so, uh, awesome that I can't even come up with anything snarky to accommpany it: behold, Effective Connotation Of Sarcasm In The Written Word.

A text-message conversation

Background: my friend D and I text each other song lyrics. (J and I do this to. Does anyone else do this?)
Anyway, this is from yesterday:

D: You so crazy…I think I wanna have your baby.
G: Wow, out of context, that’s pretty…brazen.
G: I think that will be my new go-to response for compliments.
G: “I like your shirt.” “You so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby.” WORKS FOR EVERY OCCASION.

I challenge you to use it in conversation today. Bonus points if it is directed towards someone of the same sex.