Is there one of those compound German words for "Oh-my-God-where-have-I-seen-that-actor-before-this-has-been-driving-me-nuts-for-days-until-in-the-middle-of-a-random-conversation-at-home-I-yell-SELMA-FROM-BIG-LOVE-OH-SWEET-RELIEF!"

Well, there really should be.

Important dinner conversations

Boy: "Aunt Gin, can a cow and a horse have a baby together?"
Me: "I don't think so, dude."
Boy: "Well, if they could, you could call it a 'how' or a 'corse'. That would be awesome!"
Me: "I love you, my boy."

[14:29]

G:Hey.

I need to write a post today.

C: Hey.

You do.

G: But I don't know what to write about.

Reply with something funny so I can just cut and paste it.

No, wait, here is the formula:

[14:31]
G: Me: (Something bizarre)

You: (riff on it)

Me: (Something funnier)

You: (Something ridiculous and even funnier)

Me: LOL!

You: Put this on your blog!

THE END

[14:32]

G: So, you fill on your parts.

GO.

[14:35]

C: Me: (riff on it): Yeah, maybe if you stick it in your pants!

Me: (something ridiculous and even funnier): Probably only if you drive it backwards!
G: OMG LIKE MAD LIBS BUT FOR MY POSTS SO TOTALLY AWESOME I RULE

C: Me: POST THIS ON YOUR BLOG.

[14:36]
G: Me: *SMACK*

C: *SMACK*
G: Best. Post. Evar.

So, yeah. I (stupidly!) made myself accountable for my monthlong commitment of posting, and then promptly didn’t follow up. Unless you count the post in which I said, “I’m going to post! Something!”. So *technically* I did not break the promise, and can keep the gold star for June 1. Right? RIGHT?????

NaBloPoMo prompts me: When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I went through the phases that I think most kids born in the 80’s or 90’s go through – paleontologist, astronaut, dolphin trainer with super awesome beachy, sexy hair. Teacher stuck around for a pretty good bit – I briefly considered adding getting my teaching certificate in college, and when I was desperate for a job after graduation, I also briefly considered becoming a high school speech teacher (dodged a bullet, there!). That’s not to say I *couldn’t* do it, but to try to wrangle teenagers at the very tender age of twenty-two….hm. That would have been ugly.

I never, ever, EVER in a million gazillion years would have dreamed, up on college graduation, that I would have ended up working in the manned spaceflight industry, much less that I would be working so closely WITH FREAKIN’ ASTRONAUTS, but the past five years have been, for me, the most amazing, challenging, and fulfilling. I am so blessed to have stumbled into a career path that entails something that I’m good at, and that I like – it has taught me so much, and brought some amazing friends into my life. So I’m happy to be where I am now, a wee cog in the giant machine, but a happy one nonetheless.

There is one thing that has stayed constant, at the top of my To Do list since I was a little girl – to have children. Forgive me for sounding arrogant, but early on most things in life came to me fairly easily (as they were supposed to as a The Firstborn Daughter of A Firstborn Daughter…right?). Most things I tried the first time, I was good at – it came naturally. I didn’t have to work that hard – I was just *good* at swimming, I was just *good* at dancing, I was just *good* at singing, I was just *good* at school, just *good* at making friends. These were the things I *wanted* to do, and they Just Happened for me. Now, please don’t ask me to draw you a picture, and trust that you do NOT want me on your softball team. But those things didn’t matter that much to me, so Meh, moving on. I’m not devastated over them.

So the fact that getting pregnant has not Just Happened for me has been extremely difficult to accept. That’s not who I am, right? The One Who Can’t Get Pregnant? That One? Except that it has. Rather, I have let it define me, at least in my mind. Even though I’ve been pretty open about our struggles with infertility on This Here Blog, I’ve been pretty tightlipped about it with family – mostly because I don’t want the added pressure, but also because it is so hard for me to say out loud – because that makes it Real. And also because, while I appreciate the support, I don’t want to be pitied. I especially don’t want to see That Look. Because at much as it may sting my heart to hear of yet another friend/cousin/classmate getting pregnant, or seeing pictures of growing bellies and babies, I can still be happy. But seeing The Look just makes me mad and punchy.

But I know that being pregnant is not the only way to mother, or to be a Mama. Maybe there’s a reason for all of…This. But I have a hard time making myself believe that.

I begin another round of Clomid this weekend – with a long running start, here I go flinging myself off the cliff again, eyes squeezed tight, arms spread wide, holding my breath, feeling exhilarated and hopeful and terrified.

I’ve joined NaBloPoMo for the month of June – I’m committing to myself (and to you, my little chickens) to posting every day this month. Except for when I don’t.

Well, hello there!

I’ve missed this thing.

I’ve missed writing, even if it was two sentences – I’ve missed thinking in print; I’ve missed sharing goofy things with the small handful of you that read this. I’ve missed putting Stuff out there.

April kind of kicked the shit out of me, and May was busybusybusy. Not the greatest excuses to not post much – everyone has Good Crap and Busy Crap and Life Crap – but I just wasn’t up to it. Used to be that I would have multiple drafts going on at one time, inspiration Everywhere! All The Time! But things get in the way, and you get out of the habit, and then you are staring at a blank document, with the cursor blinking: Say. Some. Thing. But I couldn’t. Nothing that I was ready to share, anyway.

June will be no different from the last several, in terms of having a bunch of personal junk going on – some good, some bad. But I need something to spur me into action, so I’m putting it out there that I’ve joined NaBloPoMo for the month of June – I’m committing to myself, and to you, my little chickens, to posting every day for the next thirty (holy crap!).

I don’t know if I can do it, but I’m gonna try. Hey, you can too!

Sooo, yay for a successful launch on Friday! If you feel so inclined, you can follow along the STS-132 mission here or here. My boys!

Since the shuttle launched on time (one more WOOT! in here for good measure), we had 3 whole days ahead of us to do a lot of N. O. T. H. I. N. G. We have not had this kind of vacation since...uh, our honeymoon 5 1/2 years ago? Wow, we really needed this. We slept in Saturday, had a nice late breakfast, and hit the beach that afternoon. We diligently slathered up with waterproof SPF 30 - we are to Ultracrackers (John's phrase, hee!) - and swam in the gorgeous warm water and lazed on the beach for about 3 hours. We had an awesome dinner at a local Brazilian steakhouse - awesome food, great wine, some nice live bossa/jazz, excellent conversation - and were in bed early last night.

Cue to this morning - I wake up, stumble to the bathroon, see my naked arms in the mirror, and instinctively shield my eyes from the flaming red flesh before me. HOLY SHIT. I take a shower, gingerly - but isn't there some kind of Thing about a hot shower taking the sting out of a burn? BULLSHIT, btw. - and when i get out, John is just stirring. He pulls the sheet off of his chest, and OH MY GOD.

J: (loud moaning)\

G: "Are you okay?"

J: "MY GOD, MY NIPPLES!"

G: "HAHAHAH-aw..."

We spent most of the day skulking in the dark, staying in the room, and when we did venture out, we avoided sunlight like effing vampires. Who is so stupid as to get a horrible sunburn the FIRST FULL DAY of their vacation? We are. SO DUMB.

When we were here last year and spent an entire day on the beach, we came home with nary a tan line. This time, we are FUH-RIED..

Our dreams of a day at Universal Studios and trying parasailing are (possibly, probably) dashed, as we bitch and moan at putting a shirt on, much less strapping ourselves into some life-endangering contraption and flying around or some such thing.

BOO.

But! My boys launched safely and on time, so I shouldn't complain much...but I will.

These are my boys.

And they launch this Friday, May 14 at 2:20 p.m. EDT. And I will be there.



GO ATLANTIS!