Five Things I've Learned

1. The level of your driving aggression should be inversely proportional to how close you are to your place of employment. That driving 5-miles-under-the-speed-limit-in-the-fast-lane dumbass that you honk at and flip off is probably your boss. Or your boss’ boss.
   
2. People are going to talk about you behind your back. No matter how good a person you are, no matter how much you think you’re on good terms with people. Everyone does it. You do it. Logically, it’s only a matter of time before you’re the butt of gossip. It is up to you to decide whether or not you’re going to let it bother you.
   
3. Life is too short, and food tastes too good, to obsess over getting back down to your high school weight. You probably look better with a little more meat on you, or at least your boobs are bigger.
   
4. A Sunday afternoon nap is always time well spent.
   
5. Save your work every 30 minutes.