On Friday afternoon I was out running errands, and I ended up at my old community college, talking to some people I used to work with and wandering around campus. The weather was beautiful, and I was in a good mood – I felt 19 again, in a good way.

That night, I was back on campus to see a play with my mom, and I saw my old college boyfriend there (he was a theater major [YES, I dated a theater geek, and NO, he was not gay], and we were in a few musicals together). I wasn’t prepared for that (one is supposed to look put together when seeing an ex, no?) – I’d just changed my shirt from what I’d been wearing since 6:30 that morning, and I was in an ungracious mood from listening to my mother all evening. And then it irritated me that my initial reaction to the situation was that I needed to “be prepared” to see him – aside from an extra 30 pounds, I have nothing to be ashamed of in my life – but still. I don’t even know if he recognized me (see: extra 30 pounds, ugh) – regardless, I didn’t have to speak to him, and I was relieved. But it put me in a bad mood – I felt 19 again, but in a bad way.

It’s weird to look at someone you once thought you knew so well, someone you imagined maybe being with for the rest of your life, and realizing that they are a total stranger, that your life is soooo much better for it, and that your 19 year-old self was DUMB.