Wednesday, December 3, 2008


A long time ago, I came into an agreement with Jamie and with J, that if I ever started showing a preference for or go so far as wearing certain types of clothing, they should Kick Me In The Box.

As in Crotch. Groin. "Vagina"*.

For example: Sequined sweaters
Faded colors. Holiday-themed. Dowdy and sad.
Kick Me In The Box.

Mom Jeans

High rise. Elastic waist. Tapered leg. With a braided belt.
Kick Me In The Box.

Animal sweatshirts

As in anything featuring (but not limited to) household pets, or furry woodland creatures.
Kick Me In The Box.


Patchwork. Pom-pommed. "Festive". Featuring abovementioned furry woodland creatures.
Kick Me In The Box.

My mom called the other day to let me know that she’d bought matching shirts for her, my sister, and I to wear in upcoming family Christmas pictures.

J: “Dude. You know what I have to do, right?”

I know, it's not really that bad (right?), but still. Pink. Christmas tree. T-shirt.

Do they make athletic cups for chicks?

*By the way, may I just interject that the vagina is actually internal, and it bugs the shit out of me when people use it as a catch-all to refer to anything in the vicinity of a woman’s groin.


Megan said...

You may need to invest in one of these for your pudenda(um).

Camel Toe Cup

jamie said...

Umm ... in the spirit of honesty, which we value with each other, it kind of is that bad. Yeah. Sorry. I will still love you if you wear it. :)

The Bouldins said...

I think you get a pass if you are required to wear it in the interest of Family Peace & Harmony. It's if you wear it again and it's not part of a Halloween costume that you get in trouble.

And where the hell did you find that AWESOME picture of Mom jeans?

(I think the Christmas trees are kind of cute ... if they weren't pink and were on a card instead of a t-shirt.)

Amanda said...

Bahahahah! That cracked me up! You MUST post the pic of you in the shirt, and then of you burning it! :)

jamie said...

The Mom Jean pic is from the SNL skit.

Scandalous Housewife said...

If you don't tuck that shirt in to a pair of acid wash 'Mom' jeans, you have no balls...
Can't wait to see the family photo!

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for linking to this today! F'ing hilarious! And so true!