It is 2:40 a.m., and I am painfully awake, my brain still a little addled and my abdomen pretty crampy.
My alarm will go off in two hours so I can get up, shower, and be at work in time for a 6 a.m. telecon.

This is so not happening.

Instead, I am in here on the computer, stagewhisperyelling at the cat for thinking that my being up at this ungodly hour gives him license to be an asshole and tear up my furniture (unless this is something he does *every* night, which could explain a lot and also debunk my theory that friendly but naughty elves sneak into the house each night and muss things up and drink all the tea in the fridge and THAT is why the pitcher is always nearly empty, not because I forget/am too lazy to make more).

I am suddenly inspired to bake these cookies that I watched Giada make on TV this morning. Also, I am struck with the urge to vacuum, because on Monday we went to That Orange Home Improvement Place to finally pick up my Dyson - I compromised and went with the original yellow, no-fancy-ball-or-magical-pet-hair-cleaning-properties model, because it was on sale for $318 (vs. $399), and I have been scouring and had not seen a better deal. So we brought it home - I didn't have time to whip up a Welcome Home banner, but I think it got the gist that it is somewhere it will be loved and cherished - and I used it right away, and I have to say, it's everything I hoped it would be (short of pouring mama a glass of wine and then running itself). So I am very, very pleased with my purchase. But I didn't get to do *all* of the rooms because I had to do stupid crap like cook dinner and write a longwinded whiny post about my retarded ovaries.

However, I will refrain from engaging in either of these activities, as I think John might not take kindly to being awakened in the middle of the night, wondering what kind of crazy Suzy "Cokehead" Homemaker he finds himself married to.

Now it's 3 a.m.! {Yay!} The perfect time to officially call in to work today, and then settle in for some infomercial watching.

This is gonna be the best day ever.