Earlier this week, my division at work sponsored a homemade salsa contest. Despite the fact that I a) do not like salsa, and thus b) do not make ait, I still felt compelled to enter, so I asked John to whip some up for me to take in so I could still play (read: still win something, because winning is awesome).

At about 9:30 the night before the contest, we remembered that the salsa still needed to be made. As John gathered the ingredients, we realized we had no cilantro (not even dried - what the hell kind of Texans are we??). John made it anyway, and assured me that it tasted fine without. Seeing as how I couldn't really vouch for the taste of it (the proof being in the pudding/salsa, SEE WHAT I DID THERE), I didn't entertain my usual trash-talk with the other competitors, instead humbly submitting my wares along with the other 10-ish contestants.

Despite the odds, and to his suprise and my great pride, John won first place! I guess that man's good for something.


Behold, the prize:

Would you like to touch my giant pepper?

Behold, the recipe:

John's Two-Foot-Inflatable-Jalapeno-Winning Salsa

2 jalapenos (3 if you like the heat)
1 medium-sized onion
2 whole cloves fresh garlic
Cilantro (ed. note: optional, apparently)
1 can of diced tomatoes
1/2 tsp dried cumin (or to taste)
Black pepper, to taste

Heat sauce pan over medium to medium high heat. Add ~1/2c water.
Cut tops off jalapenos, cut in half lenghtwise (leave the ribs and seeds).
Give onion and garlic a rough chop.
Tear off enough leaves of cilantro to suit your taste.
Throw the ingredients into the pan. Cover, and let it all steam for about 15 minutes. Go drink a beer. Shake the pan sometimes to stir things up.
After the ingredients have cooled for a couple of minutes, dump it all in a blender (water, too). Add the can of tomatoes (juice, too), cumin, and pepper.
Pulse 2 or 3 times until it reaches desired consistency.
Refrigerate overnight.