Dear Jackhole On The Other Side Of My Cubicle Wall,

Hey, how about actually *carrying* your cell phone with you at work, rather than leaving it on your desk, set to A Level Of Vibrate That Would Make Even Jenna Jameson Blush, and then disappearing all day, except to return briefly in order to whistle tunelessly and tap your pen on your desk for 2 minutes, then leave again in order to wander the halls in too-short khaki cargo pants (THERE IS ROOM IN YOUR GEEDEE POCKETS FOR THAT PHONE) and a white undershirt WITH NOTHING OVER IT. GROSS.

Kisses and THROAT PUNCHES,

G