Earlier this week, my division at work sponsored a homemade salsa contest. Despite the fact that I a) do not like salsa, and thus b) do not make ait, I still felt compelled to enter, so I asked John to whip some up for me to take in so I could still play (read: still win something, because winning is awesome).

At about 9:30 the night before the contest, we remembered that the salsa still needed to be made. As John gathered the ingredients, we realized we had no cilantro (not even dried - what the hell kind of Texans are we??). John made it anyway, and assured me that it tasted fine without. Seeing as how I couldn't really vouch for the taste of it (the proof being in the pudding/salsa, SEE WHAT I DID THERE), I didn't entertain my usual trash-talk with the other competitors, instead humbly submitting my wares along with the other 10-ish contestants.

Despite the odds, and to his suprise and my great pride, John won first place! I guess that man's good for something.


Behold, the prize:

Would you like to touch my giant pepper?

Behold, the recipe:

John's Two-Foot-Inflatable-Jalapeno-Winning Salsa

2 jalapenos (3 if you like the heat)
1 medium-sized onion
2 whole cloves fresh garlic
Cilantro (ed. note: optional, apparently)
1 can of diced tomatoes
1/2 tsp dried cumin (or to taste)
Black pepper, to taste

Heat sauce pan over medium to medium high heat. Add ~1/2c water.
Cut tops off jalapenos, cut in half lenghtwise (leave the ribs and seeds).
Give onion and garlic a rough chop.
Tear off enough leaves of cilantro to suit your taste.
Throw the ingredients into the pan. Cover, and let it all steam for about 15 minutes. Go drink a beer. Shake the pan sometimes to stir things up.
After the ingredients have cooled for a couple of minutes, dump it all in a blender (water, too). Add the can of tomatoes (juice, too), cumin, and pepper.
Pulse 2 or 3 times until it reaches desired consistency.
Refrigerate overnight.

Idea for an invention:

Some kind of remote access PA system that would allow you to speak to other drivers on the road via their stereo system. Imagine being able to *actually* cuss out that a-hole who cut you off, instead of them just ignoring your honking, mouthing of obscenities, and rude gestures. Or even better: for those crazy, ultra-right wing tin foil hat conservatives that have ‘THE END IS NEAR’ bumper stickers – how awesome would it be to speak to them and pretend to be the voice of God? SO AWESOME.

A Typical Tuesday Night Exchange

G: (sorting through junk mail) Look baby, you can scratch and win!
J: When I scratch, I always win.
G: You are disgusting.

The End

Despite their proximity, two entirely unrelated thoughts

1. I just passed someone in the hall that is wearing the same cologne of some old boyfriend. I don't remember which boy, but it was sometime when I was 15-ish, gauging my reaction and instantaneous memoryt of walking to Biology in the B building after lunch.
2. God help me if anyone around here develops telepathic abilities.
   

It is a gross, rainy, miserable day.

Here are 4 things I’d much rather be doing.

Ok, either these or reading on the couch.

The sun is setting. The windows are open, there is a faint breeze, I can hear the faint buzz of weedeating somewhere down the street. An excellent mix of classic rock is playing quietly in the next room. It is 73 degrees in the house. I have a bag of freshly-popped kettle corn and a large glass of Big Red (and rum) next to me as I curl up on the couch with my new book.

Today, right now, is heaven.

A Typical Saturday

Me: (on the computer)
John pokes his head in the back door: "Hey!"
Gin: "What?"
J: "Come look at this?"
G: "What is it? Do I *want* to see it?"
J: "Uh, yeah!"
G: "Is it gross?"
J: "No, just come out here."
G: (puts shoes on, follows him outside)
J: "Come over here [to the smoldering remnants of the brush pile] and look at this."
G: "What? What is it?"
J: "Just come over here! Come. Here."
G: "What the hell is it?"
J: (poking a stick in the ashes) "Come on, where is he now?"
G: "WHERE IS WHO?"
J: "Here he is. It's a snake! Look at him!"
G: (running away)"AAAAAHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL!"
Snake: (pissed off)
G: "What kind of snake is that?"
J: "I don't know. What should I do with him?"
G: "LEAVE HIM OUTSIDE, OH MY GOD."