I'd be a much happier worker bee if the cafeteria downstairs had an open bar.

Liveblogging my Defensive Driving

...okay, not really, but I had to share this stock picture featured on the webpage intended to teach me about safety belts:





That is a "WTF?!" if I've ever seen one. Awesome.

If we were being honest, our wedding vows should have read, "To have and to hold and to groom from this day forward."

Listening…
Beach Boys, Pet Sounds
Classic summer goodness.

Violent Femmes: Deluxe Edition
I think I was a sophomore in high school when a friend lent me this album, and I think it’s all I listened to for a month, and then I gave it back and hadn’t heard it since. So when I finally remembered to download the album (okay, just my favorite tracks), listening to them was like being fifteen again, but in the good, dancing-around-in-my-bedroom-in-my-underwear kind of way.

Weezer, Blue, Green, and Red
I dig Troublemaker. Not that it makes a whole lot of sense, but it’s catchy as hell. And if I’m downloading that, why not some of the others? (And I’d just like to note that I totally wail on Say It Ain’t So on Rock Band. You would be impressed, and throw your panties at me.)

Watching…
For The Bible Tells Me So
Really moving. Not intended to perturb anyone – not that it should come as any kind of shock that I’m left-leaning. I’m not going to pretend that this is a totally unpartisan, objective piece, and I don’t expect anyone to jump on my liberal, pro-gay marriage bandwagon, but I challenge anyone to watch this film and not find beauty in the acceptance of these families, or feel the heartache of the children whose families don’t, or did too late. I was brought up in a conservative household, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself drifting farther away from those teachings. So if you believe differently, I understand why; I respectfully disagree, and I’m not going to get in a shouting match about it.

Reading…
Candy Girl
By Diablo Cody, of Juno fame. Not for the kiddies, or the faint of heart. Honestly, I was just curious. Funny and frank, but her writing style got a little old after a while – I get it, you’re cool and quirky and an unabashed pop culture nerd. It can begin to feel like she’s trying too hard, which is the same vibe I get from her EW columns more often than not. Luckily it’s a quick read – I finished it over a weekend. Eh, B-.

All We Ever Wanted Was Everything
The first honest-to-goodness chick lit I’ve read in a while. I’ll admit, I was intrigued by the title more than anything. Another easy, soapy read – pampered, devoted wife is betrayed, enter screwed up daughters with their own drama, obligatory meltdowns for all three, they live happily ever after (or do they?). C+.

Brideshead Revisited
Okay, I’ll admit that my interest was piqued after seeing previews for the movie when we saw Mamma Mia. I went out and bought it the next weekend, and…it’s still sitting on my nightstand, the Vanity Fair subscription insert still holding my place at page 9. It’s a totally different style of writing from the last couple of things I’ve read, and I’ve not been able to devote more than just snatches of time to reading, and this will require more attention than that. But I’ve got a plane ride coming up that should be the perfect opportunity*.

*Who am I kidding, I’ll probably end up at the Hudson News with a stack of People, Us Weekly, and Ok!

oh-A-oh

Ugh.
I'm getting that soul-itchy, jumping-out-of-my-skin, feeling of malaise again.
I want to GO and I want to DO and I want to SEE and I want to HAVE - I want to run around and just consume - but I'm hampered by...something.

Maybe I just need a haircut.

A miraculous thing has happened this week (and no, it is not related to my bodily functions).

I made it through a full five-day workweek without feeling like an utterly incompetent retard; with the exception of forgetting about a semi-important meeting until too late and having to attend in sneakers and jeans, I did not make a total ass of myself. Hallelujah! Dear God, please help me keep on truckin’.

So I greet the start of the weekend with not just my usual sense of relief, but also a feeling of accomplishment: I did it. Maybe I’m not such an idiot after all…

Holy crap - sometimes a cupcake is just a cupcake.

A male coworker just called me a "stud" for agreeing to pick up an unenviable task. I believe that's the first time I've ever been called that before. But what's the female equivalent to stud? Wait, I don't think I want to know...

More Crappy Weather = More Videos

Groove the blahs away


Funk the blahs away


(Icky) Thump the blahs away


Swing the blahs away

A hastily-assembled ode to the crappy, crappy weather today

Supa Dupa Fly, Missy Elliot


Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head, as covered by BF5 (this one’s for Jamie. And BTW, how young does Mr. Folds sound?!)




Rainbow Connection, by some dudes on ukulele, but how cute is this? (I must have a thing for uke’s – and Megan, you’d asked me before who that chicky was that sang God Only Knows – her name is Julia Nunes, and I just stumbled upon her on Youtube.)

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! I must have read this book at least a dozen times. God, I love Jezebel.

We’re partying at work today, for convoluted reasons I won’t get into, but let’s just say we’ll take the small victories where we can get them, and we’ve got quite a spread of food. So I’m sharing another recipe with you, because as I sit here stuffing my face, it occurs to me that you may want to do the same.

This is something you’d see on a table at a church social in antique Tupperware – despite any wariness you may feel at that mental picture (or am I just projecting?) and the weird name, trust me when I say this is some Good Shit.

Frog Eye Salad

¾ cup to 1 cup Orzo or Acini de Pepe (any very teeny tiny pasta)

1 large tub AND 1 small tub of Cool Whip, thawed

1 can pineapple tidbits

1 can Mandarin oranges

1 pkg slivered almonds (optional)

Coconut to taste (optional)

Prepare pasta per package instructions. Drain and cool for 5 min.

Drain fruit – reserve ~1/3 cup of the juice.

Fold together pasta, Cool Whip, fruit and its reserved juice. You won’t think you’ll need all of the Cool Whip, but you do – the pasta will absorb more than you think, and you don’t want it to dry out. And Cool Whip is like cheese, in that one can never add too much (though not together).

Refrigerate at least an hour before serving.

I can eat this until I’m sick – so light, cool, and yummy!

Nature's candy in my hand, or can, or pie*...or biscuit

Peaches & Cream Mini Biscuits

2 cups self-rising flour
¼ cup sugar
1 cup sour cream
2 sticks butter, melted
1 tsp vanilla
1 can peaches (or fresh), cut into ¼ in. pieces

Preheat oven to 350.
Mix together flour, sugar, sour cream, butter, and vanilla.
Gently fold in peaches.

Bake in greased mini-muffin tin for ~20 min., 30-35 min. for regular-sized muffin tin.

One batch will make ~30 mini biscuits or a dozen regular-sized biscuits. (A double-batch will make 60+ mini biscuitsGood warm or cold - yum!

*Mmmm, taste's like the 90's.

Yesterday, two appointments I had fell through at the last minute, so I found myself at home at 4:30 – in my pj’s, nothing good on TV, and nothing to do. I looked at the Netflix envelope that has been collecting dust on my entertainment center for well over a month, and knew what needed to be done.

Months ago, a good friend of mine recommended the PBS Nova special “Life’s Greatest Miracle”, which is an informative but accessible overview of reproduction, conception, and birth, with amazing footage inside the body and reproductive organs (wow, “amazing footage of the inside of the uterus” is a phrase I never thought I’d use). So I put it into my queue and totally forgot about it until it arrived in my mailbox several weeks ago. When I opened it and realized that this would not be my usual fare of a period drama, depressing documentary, or season 1 of The Office, I promptly shoved it back in the paper sheath and left it on the shelf. Because I am weirdly, stupidly, stubbornly superstitious, I could not bring myself to send it back unwatched – like it would be some kind of Message To The Universe that I am rejecting the idea of new life, which could not be further from the truth.
And so it sat for 6 weeks.

So yesterday, I poured myself one verrrry large glass of wine (the first of several), and finally put in the DVD. And I cried like I haven’t in months; like I’ve needed to for months. J came home in the middle of it and just held me. God bless this man, who offers me his chest to lie on while my snot pools on his shirt, and I hiccup and moan/mumble, “BUTWANNHABABEEESNOFAAAAIR!” He is so wonderful.

So despite my crying hangover today (puffy eyes, fuzzy head, lack of appetite – wait, is this a real hangover?), it was good to purge (FINALLY).

Thanks, C

I’ve been boring and no fun lately, not to mention un-posty.
If I were a texture, it would be that of clammy, lukewarm baloney.
If I were a color, it would be a weak greenish beige.

I’ve been really, really busy and it’s been too hard for me to try to find the time and the mental energy to post at work. J and I have been trying for several weeks, unsuccessfully, to get the DSL connection at the house functioning properly. Apparently, even though several of our neighbors have the same high-speed connection and plan that we signed up for, our house is in the middle of a Black Hole Of Suck And Non-Service, so we’ve each spent several hours on the phone with billing/tech support/dozens of CSRs trying to get things sorted out (on a related note: Dear AT&T: Fuck You. Love, Me). It’s been incredibly frustrating and time-consuming, but hopefully by the end of this week, we will have internet access, and we can finally party like it’s 2002. Please refrain from mocking our lateness to the party – I’m totally aware of how lame we are.

Lately I’ve developed an extremely low tolerance for bullshit. And I don’t know if it’s because of my work environment, stress, or that I’m just that old and jaded already, but each day I’m getting it harder and harder to bite my tongue instead of calling people out left and right. I understand the fuzzy, non-commital language of middle-management, but when people start legitimately buying into what could only be described as "hype" if one used that term VERY loosely, I check out. Getting a day off in the middle of the week for the non-event of Tropical Storm Edouard was nice and relaxing, but only bought me one more day of composure; by the COB tomorrow, I will be at my wits end and needing a drink. Maybe it’s a sign that I should only work 4 days a week; hmmmm… If I can work that up into a cost savings proposal with a clever graph, maybe I’ve got a shot.

More Things I've Learned

Always pee before you leave.

Take a bottle of water for the road.

Trying to negotiate the times for doctor’s appointments for myself the way I can for the kind of scheduling I do at work will result in a pissed off secretary and a 45-min. delay in the waiting room.

Don’t try to pass someone on a two-lane road just because they have slowed down to 10 mph for the past half-mile and have had their right-turn signal on for even longer; they might change their mind at the last minute and turn left, INTO YOUR CAR, resulting in you coming very close to wetting your pants and a hopefully-inconspicuous-to-your-husband very small paint scrape just above the wheel well. Ahem.

When in doubt, use the larger of the two pots.

Sleep can be delicious.

I can do urine, I can do poop, I can do vomit, I can do blood. I cannot handle pus.

Always write down the confirmation number.