Purge

Tomorrow is the first day of October; the last quarter of 2008.

Earlier this year I decided to take a step back from the fertility treatments for a while – just get back to normal and focus on my husband and work more. I told myself and J that, if necessary, in the fall I would go back to the doctor and get back on the babymaking bandwagon again. So now it’s here, and my business is still not working on its own. And I don’t know if I want to go and do it all over again.

It’s not that I’ve at all wavered on having a baby; I still want children, I still want to get pregnant. But the idea of going through the hormones-sex-sex-sex-wait-test-wait-cry-lather-rinse-repeat cycle does not exactly have me jumping out of bed in the morning. It was incredibly stressful, and I wish I could just swallow the watermelon seed like that girl told me on the playground when I was five. And here’s where I get into the part of the post that makes me want to step out of myself, look at the girl that’s sitting here typing this and ask, “Who the hell are you?”: I keep thinking about the idea of putting things on hold and focusing on my career. Believe me when I say that I never, never, never EVER thought I’d be writing those words. Until I got my current job, I always figured that once I started having children, I’d take a few years off to stay at home full-time until my children were in school. But now: I love working.

My work is challenging and stressful and a new set of the same old problems and obstacles to tackle every week, and even though I bitch about it and my coworkers sometimes, I really love what I do. It is damn cool. I’m getting better (hopefully!) every day, and I’m still learning so much. Is it fair for me to divide my time and my loyalties between two things that I care so much about: my family and my career? Am I kidding myself that I’m even good enough at what I do that I should even consider trying to stick with it throughout pregnancy and babyhood; will I still be taken as seriously if I take 3 months of maternity leave, and come back high on baby fumes? I feel at enough of a disadvantage as it is – I’m nearly ten years younger or more than most of my counterparts, and I feel like that and my newness not just to this position but to the organization in general means I have to work even harder. Am I stupid to try to throw parenthood in the mix? Or am I stupid to let a job keep me from doing the One Thing I have know I wanted for as long as I can remember?

And I know I’m just 26 and it’s not like my ovaries are shriveling up into raisins, but for some reason I feel like if I don’t start this now, I will have to wait until 2010 (or later?) to finish out what I feel like is a commitment I’ve made. But again, am I overestimating my worth and value to my company? I may get 2 years down the road and it will be determined that they really don’t need me anymore, and I will have wasted my time.

I’m just afraid of overcommitting myself and, in typical Gin fashion, doing many things Just Okay instead of a few things Well. Will I be making the choice of Mediocre-At-Best Mom/Wife/Worker Bee vs. Good Wife/Worker Bee?

So even though we have power back and everything’s been pretty hunky dory, we’re having some water issues (we have a well because we live in the sticks). Apparently abruptly turning off your water well for nearly two weeks will screw it up. Dig, if you will, the picture: I am happily showering this morning, with my collection of assorted hair product and girly foofoo stuff to keep me company, and all of a sudden the water just….sort of…..stops… I turn the faucet off and on a few times, and no dice. So I do what anyone left half-showered at 6 in the morning would do; I stand there helplessly, dripping water, unrinsed conditioner, face covered in goo, and start screaming for help. J finally stumbles into the bathroom and seems sort of mad and yet amused to see me standing there shivering and naked as the day I was born (though more heavily tattooed). Turns out that there was sediment or something clogging the water line, and it finally worked its way out, but not before I completed a hasty 30-second-waning-water-pressure-lukewarm-at-best rinse in the other shower. Suck. Not the way one would like to start off what is already turning into a hell of a week.

So I’m off to make cookies to bring for my coworkers tomorrow in an effort to put some good energy out there. I hope a story featuring my bare ass has brought you some amusement, or at the very least some reassurance that between the two of us, I am the one that has looked like more of an idiot today. Congratulations, you win!

Out with the old...?

So I'm tired of this blog layout.

This was just the one I liked the best of what Blogger offered at the time. I have never been that wild about it. I don't even like aqua, lime green, or orange, much less altogether as featured colors on my little corner of the internet, but I'm kind of a sucker for polka dots (In moderation! Geometric patterns, like alcohol and hair product, should be used responsibly). I also want to change my blog name. "Gin Is Juiced", I...have no idea where that came from. A sad, sad take on "Gin and Juice" I guess, but

1. I don't even like Snoop Dogg
2. I have never had gin (though I do like juice...unless, wait, is that drugs or something?)
3. My mind is rarely on my money, nor is money on my mind

I'd like something new and cute, and I have no idea where to start. This is where you, my chickens, come in and tell me where to go and what to do, and make fun of me for not knowing how to just fix it myself. There are many things I am good at - if you need a partner for a karaoke duet of "Say, Say, Say", someone to make inappropriate whispered jokes about that one chick's ugly whore shoes at your next staff meeting, or homemade baked goods, I am there with bells on, my friend - but HTML is sadly not on my list of strengths (impressive as it is).

Wanted: A New Look and a New Name
Won't you please, please help me?






















"NUJV!"

The good thing about carrying around a big purse is that you can fit a lot of things in it.
The bad thing about carrying around a big purse is that you end up carrying around a bunch of crap.

The following are in my bag:

A catnip toy

3 pens (4 if you count the pieces of my awesome Cross pen that I’ve been meaning to get repaired…for 5 years. No, really.)

1 pencil

1 lip pencil, cap missing (uh-oh)

4 kinds of lip balm

6 different varieties of OTC decongestant (No, really)

3 other kinds of OTC meds

A toothpick (I honestly have no idea where this came from)(And I threw it away)

Earbuds, but no MP3 player

3 different shopping lists

6 bobby pins

12 hair bands

And this is AFTER I threw away a large handful of old Starbucks and restaurant receipts…

I took the afternoon off yesterday so I could go grocery shopping and finish re-stocking our fridge and do laundry and just settle back in to being home. My mom called at exactly 5:10 as she was driving home from work.

Mom: Hi baby, I was just calling to check in. It will be strange going back to the house with no one else coming home tonight.
Gin: I know. But we’re really glad to be home. […and resume sexy times.]
M: Your dad and I were really sad when you and [J] left. The house was so quiet with you gone.
G: I know. It was good to be able to spend time with y’all.
M: Yeah. So we were sad for a minute. But then we realized we could walk around pantsless again, so we felt better.

...And on the tenth day, Texas New Mexico said, "Well, we've got nothing better to do anymore. *CLICK* Here's your power."

And it was good.

Girl groups and fresh, hot pizza make everything seem just a little bit better.

Sometime in the past week, when I had my head up my ass, whining about "Hurricane This" and "No Power That", I had my 2,000th hit since I started using Sitemeter in March. Go, me!

C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R

I’ve had this song stuck in my head off and on for the past, like, month. So here, I share it with you:



As I sing it, I may or may not mentally do a dance I learned in drill team lo, many years ago as a sophomore in high school. And yes, it included the walking snap.

Heh.

I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.

Hurricane Ike: Lessons Learned, and other stuff

1. Living with one's parents for any extended period of time past the age of 22 can be damaging to one's mental health.

2. Cable television is worth every penny.

3. So are generators.

4. Except when they die.

5. (The generators I mean, not parents.)

6. Hot, running water is one of the most underappreciated modern luxuries.

7. Replacing a fridge's worth of condiments can be shockingly expensive.

8. Bonnie Hunt has her own TV show (WTF???)

9. Even if you claim to dislike the town you live in, having a Mayberry Moment and striking up a conversation with strangers you have to share a table with at the only open restaurant in town is kind of cool.

10. It is also cool when the owner of said restaurant gives away free dessert, for morale purposes and to celebrate their best ever day of business.

*****************************************
The Texas New Mexico (electric co.) utility trucks have finally made their way to our neighborhood. They started their work Friday evening, and worked all day yesterday. Several downed poles and extensive line damage due to large trees, not to mention the fact that our neighborhood is fairly small and "out in the sticks", means power restoration to our area has been low priority. Every time my cell phone rings, my heart beats a little faster in hopes that it is J or a neighbor proclaiming WE FINALLY HAVE POWER!!!!!! I don't think I've been this breathless with anticipation since, um, maybe my wedding day (and even that was like, Let's get this show on the road so we can get the party started).

I go back to work tomorrow, and am looking forward to a (somewhat) return to normalcy, and each day having a sense of purpose, but mostly I can't wait for the Starbucks. I haven't had REAL coffee since Thursday, September 11 (I do NOT count that instant shit J made for me). Note to self: add Frappuccinos to list of Emergency Stockpile Items

Post-Ike Update #2:
We are still at my parents (their power outage, as I texted some of you, was blessedly short). I love my mom and dad dearly, and sincerely appreciate their letting us crash here, but OH MY GOD. Sooooooo ready to be back in my own home. We're still without power and water at home, and it does not look promising - I am hoping and praying we have electricity restored by this weekend. Friday night will be one full week without power.

Thank the Lord above, it has been cool and dry here the past few days - highs around 80, lows in the 60's. The morning after this cool front came through, I walked outside and smelled the air, clean and fresh, and thought, "Okay, I can handle today." And so I try not to think too much past the day at hand.

The past 6 days have felt like a month. This whole experience has been surreal. I went into town to go the grocery store, in search of cheese (how sad is that! I miss my dairy - it has been incredbly hard to come by. I went to three different stores before I hit the "jackpot: generic shredded chedder, and I cradled that white, non-descript plastic pouch like it was a newborn baby. The things you take for granted...) Driving around our small town, and seeing traffic, and businesses open, and people going about their daily routine - it was comforting, and I felt a little better. And then I pass by a washateria - its parking lot is overflowing. People have no power to wash their clothes (no clean panties!). I walked into the grocery store, and all the fridge and freezer cases are bare. People wander around with empty carts, dazed. It's like an alternate universe. And it made me really sad - got a little ferklempt for the first time in this whole ordeal. It was the sad, empty Sonic, with its roof half torn off, that did it. And I don't even like the Sonic! And I don't even really like this TOWN! But it still makes me sad.

I am really looking forward to going back to work (on Monday!). This long of a period of unstructured time does weird things to my head.

Okay, here's something moderately amusing:
J worked at the house today while I went running around town. Since the weather has been so nice, he left the doors and windows open, and the cats were running in and out.
I went into our bedroom late this afternoon, and noticed some black spots on the carpet - upon closer inspection, I discovered a suspicious and alarming amount of bitty bird feathers. Hmmm... None of the cats confessed to anything, and we could not find any other remnants of an aviary homicide under the beds or in the usual hiding spots, but if I find (or smell!) a bird carcass in my house after all of this other bullshit, I will be kicking some major cat ass.

Not much time to post.
We made it through okay - we lost power (obvs), very minor damage to house; front half of J's shop roof is bent over onto the back. We lost a (small) tree, lots of limbs and debris n the yard. We anticpate being w/o power for at least a week, but we finagled a generator to save our fridge and freezer.

My parents, who live nearby, miraculously have power, water, and phone - we'll be staying with them indefinitely. Never thought I'd be happy about saying we were living with them, ha. No regular internet access for a while, though - I hope to post pics eventually.

I sincerely appreciate your kind thoughts and words - a big, heartfelt, smelly hug to you all. :) Please keep those who fared worse in your thoughts.

And now, I shower for the first time in 3 days. It will be delicious.

The wind, it starts.

We've boarded up the windows, stashed away anything that could be a projectile, herded the cats inside, stocked up on water, canned goods, and Shiner - we're waiting it out.

We're south of Houston, roughly 25 miles inland, so we will get some pretty major weather in the coming hours. Our house is situated on the back of our 2 acres, with a very wide, totally unobstructed area of about 100 yards at the front of the house, which faces the south. "Oooh ooh ooh, hit me! Mememememe!" Sigh.

I told Jamie earlier, I don't know of J and I are brave and tough or just totally stupid. Many of our neighbors are staying as well, so if it's the latter, at least we're not stupid alone.

J and I are tiring quickly of the waiting game. I've found things to entertain myself - I have washed nearly every sheet, towel, comforter, and article of clothing in the house; my kitchen is spotless, as is the guest bathroom which I normally only clean under threat of company; I organized my bathroom drawers, and have discovered I own an alarming amount of travel-size toiletries.

J complained earlier that he was bored becuse he couldn't do anything outside. I asked if he wanted me to find something for him to do INside, and he shut his hole and quickly busied himself reading a Home Depot circular. Mm-hmm!

So, here we go: Bring it on, Ike.

Oh, Sarah Haskins - please come over to my house, and we will drink too much wine, make fun of people, watch The Soup and talk about how cute Joel McHale is, and dance around drunkenly.





(I promise not to shit my pants.)

Note to self: Opening your mouth in meetings almost always ends in being assigned an action with a ridiculous deadline. Shut the hell up.

More Things I've Learned

One should not evaluate one’s complexion in the rearview mirror in the blazing morning sun unless one is prepared to face some pretty harsh realities. (Ahem.) One one one one one.

Take me to another place...

My trip was awesome, and just what I needed.

But now it's back to the daily grind and an overflowing inbox to dig through. (Sigh.)
You know what would make it better? Soft pretzels and beer cheese...

So have I mentioned that we got new phone-thingys at work?

They are wireless headsets, and they are intended to “eliminate neck, shoulder, and back fatigue and promote an ergonomic workplace”. They are actually pretty cool, but I always feel like Britney when I walk around with it on.

NOTE: I do not actually look like Ms. Spears.

Note to self: Even though it is a common occurrence and sign of affection in your home and amongst friends, not everyone you know enjoys or appreciates being sung at [and I do mean “sung at” and not “sung to”]. Your coworkers do not care if you think they are a shining star, no matter who they are.

Note to readers: If you do enjoy being sung at, tell me, and you are likely to receive random, all caps, heavily exclamation-pointed missives in your comments section.

Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with P, and that stands for Procrastination

Going into the long weekend, I had big plans (BIG PLANS!) for doing laundry and cleaning and getting ready to leave town to see Jamie. Instead, I found it necessary to sleep in every day, watch most of the Katharine Hepburn marathon on TCM, screw around on YouTube, and take afternoon naps after a long days’ lazing about.

Ended up working till 7:30 last night, and fell into bed at 9:30, and now HOLY CRAP IT’S WEDNESDAY, and I still haven’t done a damn thing. Where does the time go?!?! I have such a long, long list of things to do before I leave work, and then before I can leave town.

So I’ll be up late tonight, my bedroom a mess as I simultaneously pack and jump up and down over anticipation of seeing Jamie in just 23 HOURS!!! (Hooray!!!!) And I will be exhausted tomorrow, and I will be exhausted all weekend, because we will stay up late watching My So Called Life and talking, talking, talking until we’re hoarse, and then talking some more, and we will run around and shop and laugh and drink too much coffee, and I will come back home on Sunday night totally spent. And it will all be totally worth it.

I began taking college courses the summer after I graduated from high school.

I decided to get Comp II out of the way, just to be done with it, but mostly because my professor was a man I’d known my entire life, so it promised to be an easy A. (It totally was).

What I enjoyed most about the course was not the ease of my grade, but that instead of having to write criticism and analysis of classic literature, Dr. Fox had as write movie reviews. Following the same standards, mind you, but still – we could choose anything from Fellini to Dumb and Dumber. This nearly made my little 18 year-old head explode – my AP teachers in high school would have never dreamed of letting their students write about anything they chose.

I can’t remember now all the movies I wrote about – just Being John Malkovich, and holy shit did I regret that choice, but anyway, back to the point of this post: thus began the development of my critical eye towards pop culture. My nerd-girl seal of approval for any book/movie/TV show/album/pop culture phenomena is saying I Want To Write A Paper On It. Not that I ever will, but just that 1) It’s that ripe for the picking, and 2) It is something that I would willingly drown myself in and pick apart for any length of time, since I am fickle and have a short attention span.

Which brings me to the REAL point of this post: to further pimp out Mad Men.

Dude, this show is not just Super Mega Paper worthy – this is THESIS-worthy.

Sunday night’s episode was good in its own right – the concept of Duality, and of Truth. Which is the truer self: the one the world sees, or the one behind closed doors? Which is more accurate? Some people could argue that the symbolism of the ad campaigns featured each week and their reflection of the intended theme of the episode is maybe a little heavy-handed, but I disagree – 2 days later, I’m still chewing on it and finding more meaning.

And then there’s the series as a whole: gender, and feminism, and advertising’s affect on American popular culture (and/or vice versa), oh my! Not to mention the subcategories under each (or all?) of those headings: the sexual revolution and its influence in the workplace; interpersonal dynamics and office politics, ageism, sexism – I could go on and on (Trust: just ask J). And I also realize that the series is a thesis unto itself – we laugh at the antiquated technology, and the fashions and the societal norms of the time, but have we really come as far as we think we have in 45+ years?

I fully realize that my geekometer is topping out, but the show is really that good.

Note: I was getting ready to publish this post, when I read Jezebel’s.

During office hurricane preparations last Friday, the community mini-fridge in my cube was mistakenly unplugged. I was the first one here this morning, and when I opened the door to put in my good girl leftover lunch, was greeted with the fetid, green smell of decaying food. Vomitous.
I have always been sensitive to smells, and it’s especially bad in the morning (I have ALWAYS been this way – please, no preggers insinuations). It is taking every bit of self control I have to not ralph all over my keyboard right now.

How I'm Spending My Day Off

Aw, remember Pop Up Video?








(I hate Van Halen, because DLR is such a douche, but I LOVE this song.)






This is my favorite. I loved this song, and had SUCH a crush on Rick Astley (it's the red hair.)

Happy Labor Day, my chickens!